The only one who answered was his mailbox......

Where is Sam ???
Sam cant be found since this morning, his mobile doesnt work and I really dont know what to do ....
Im sure he knows the result of the pregnancy test although I hadnt the opportunity to tell him.
But is that the main reason why he went of???
Is he afraid of having a baby or does he just dont care about anything except of himself .
No,thats not Sam I'm sure that he would take care of me and the baby.
And what is if Sam didnt run away but having an accident or something else terrible happened to him which I dont want to think about .
Was I to unfair to Sam as I had said that he just take care of himself maybe he was kidnapped or he has pain at this moment .
And I had thought so terrible things about him.
This night I couldnt sleep.
I know that Sams mum will call the police if Sam doesnt appear until 3am.
So I decided at 2.30am to phone her.
I was pretty sure that she also couldnt sleep.
Ok, I try to replay the whole dialogue (No fear it wasnt a very long conversation)

Sams mum: Hello?Sam?
Me: no .....heres Alicia.
Sams mum: oh.....hi Alicia how can I help you?
Me: I just want to ask wheather Sam is at home ?
Sams mum: No, I havent heard anything new from him.
I phoned him for a million times but his mobile is off and the only one
who talks then to me is his mailbox.
And nobody seem to know where Sam is.......And you really dont have a clue???
Me: No sorry ....could you please call me wheather Sam comes home???
Sams mum: No problem darling, try to sleep a bit!Goodnight.
Me: Goodnight.

This was it.
I really tried to sleep but I couldnt .
My thoughts revolved just around our baby , Sam, our futur ,our parents and things like that.

A sick stomache or hopeless weird ???

Ok.Now its official !!!Sam definitely lost his mind !!!
I mean ,yes I know hes sometimes a bit strange but this sort of strangeness is NORMAL and the sort of strangeness from this night and this morning is NOT NORMAL !!!
He behave like hes a three year old boy who don´t know anything ,and I, I´m the mother who speak with a slow, calm voice to explain him everything.
But theres just one problem....
The time when he was three years old is 14 years over.
Now hes seventeen, goes to college and is also a father .
E.g. this morning as I said "Roof did well though" he looked like he had no idea about who I was talking about. What would you do if the father of your baby don´t know the name of his own son ....Poor Rufus!
I really hope these are just the results of his sick stomache and that he will feel much more better tomorrow.

The futur....?!: Get up the baby cry!!!

Oh my god........
This can´t be true...... this must be a horrible nightmare .......
I´m sitting here on my couch with my positive pregnancy test in my hand and the last tear on my face .
Yes you´ve heard right I´m pregnant !!!!
And the father is Sam, who left me alone with OUR problem .
It sounds a little bit stupid to call a baby a Problem but this is it, a Problem .
Sam and mine Problem and he, he left me alone.
He doesn´t want to know anything about me or OUR baby .
Oh my god .....How should I explain it to my mum and my Dad .........
they gonna to kill me .........
and what about sams mother how would she react .....
I´m definitely not ready to be a good mother not NOW.....to early
Do I wanna to get the baby ......of course I don´t want to be a murderer do I......
No, no, no........
its all too much I feel like I have passed a Marathon I think I´m going to sleep a bit and tomorrow i´m going to kill a father......

How do I feel about Sam ? ( The second )

In my last entry I´ve said "silly question" but now I better should say I really don´t know.
I mean I know that I still love him but something was going wrong with us .
The time I realized it , it didn´t make any sense to me .
Three weeks ago he went over to see me every single day and it was all going strong.
But now !!!
Sometimes he doesn´t come to see me for about one week or so and then he also doesn´t reply my messages .
I mean what does this stupid guy think???
I´m too dumb to understand that he is going to split our relationship up..........
I really think so, because he played this sick game all about over five weeks with me and I think, if I don´t have sent him a message which said thats the best idea to split it up, it would last any longer.
Then we would sit in one or two month on my bed and I would say that I love him and then he would smile and say in these sarcastic voice "Of course darling I also love you, your the best thing in my life..."
but in the same moment he thought :
"HAHA what a cute and ingenuous girl.....she really believes that I still loves her HAHA"
BLOODY HELL !!!!
But all in all I just can say that I still love Sam.

And if hes also a pathetic jerk its OK because he will be still MY pathetic jerk.

How do I think about Sam ?

Silly Question =)........

♥I LOVE HIM !!!♥
Hes the best thing that ever happened to me .
It feels like he is a part of myself which I need to survive , maybe my lungs or my heart ........
Yes I think that fits ,he s my heart!!!
I want to be with him in every single minute, yes in every single second and it really tortures me while I´m not seeing him.
I can´t believe it but I really said to Sam that I love him ( normally I´m not the sort of girl who said this to everybody, so I hope you´ll understand why I can´t believe, that I´ve said to a boy "I love you").
In the first moment I wasn´t sure wheather its right to say these incredible three words, but at the moment I´ve said it, I felt that it was the right decision.
Some of you would may ask why I´m so sure of loving Sam.
Good Question.
But how would you call it when you are avid for somebody and it feels like you two were the main reasons for the surviving of each other .
Thats it.
I, Alicia Burns definitely love Sam Jones.♥